Daddy left me, what do I do?
When you’re a little and daddy leaves it can be very traumatic. Anyone who has browsed forums sees posts like these all the time. There are a number of recommendations that stand the test of time and below we try to step you through these to find out the best course of action for you.
It’s okay to cry
Let out some emotion, it’s natural and healthy to cry. It’s also natural to not feel like (or be unable to) go into little space for a bit. Going into little space can be harder or near impossible. That’s OKAY. Honestly, as with any relationship the best advice is to approach friends and family for support. Choose the best and most supportive people who you can reach out to. It’s also okay to find other littles and seek advice and help.
Is the relationship recoverable?
Before you go to the next steps it’s important to ask if the relationship is recoverable. If you’re asking is it, you should also ask if you want the relationship recovered. Why is this important? Well things may be messy, you may both be emotional, everything may be backwards, but you need to clarify what you want for your future. You need to have an emotion free look at what is best for both of you and if this relationship can be saved, should you save it? Will you both be happy with this relationship going forward?
This is a very emotional time and trying to have a rational approach will be very difficult. This is why step one is to cry and seek some emotional support and help.
Things to take into account when considering recovering a relationship breakdown.
We got to this point for a reason, and the relationship broke down. Understanding and identifying why we are here is the first step towards determining what you should do next. If this was a communication breakdown there needs to be a very real way of preventing this from happening again or getting back together will inevitably lead to a breakdown again in the future.
Here are some of the reasons a relationship fails:
- Trust issues,
- Compatibility issues,
- Communication issues,
- Money issues.
Lack of trust is a major reason why relationships fail. This can present as nagging doubt over infidelity or emotional insecurity when something just doesn’t feel right. Over time these insecurities can grow and as trust is lost this grows into a complete relationship breakdown.
Ways to overcome trust issues:
Be open with each other. Openness is a key component is a healthy relationship. Always speak openly even when you have reasons to be suspicious and be clear about your concerns. Always try to be honest and truthful with your partner. This will reduce the chance of suspicions developing over time.
Trust needs to be constantly developed and consistently nurtured throughout the relationship, as it isn’t something that can be repaired in a single conversation.
Whilst it is true strong relationships are built on mutual interests and compatibility, it isn’t necessary to share every interest or passion. There are seven billion people on planet earth and even with that many options; there isn’t anyone on the planet with the exact same passion and shared interests as you. Yes that makes you a special and unique person, but it doesn’t mean you must forever be alone. Compatibility is a key to any long lasting relationship, but this can include shared experience, shared interest, sexual compatibility and compatible personalities. Personalities that are too similar can be as difficult to manage as personalities that are too dissimilar.
Tips to increase compatibility
Be aware of your differences, and encourage each other’s interests and choices. You should love your partner for who they are and be respectful and supportive of their interests and differences.
Abuse takes many forms including:
- Controlling who you interact with,
- Physical abuse including beatings and threats of violence,
- Emotional abuse and belittling behaviour.
Whilst it is true that one person’s abuse is another’s foreplay, it should be said that any unwanted abuse of any kind is reason to end a relationship.
Tips to handle abusive behaviour
The default position is to leave; abuse isn’t something that anyone should put up with. If you must discuss it be sure to have support with you in the room. Do not try to save a relationship that has become abusive. If you need help, please visit this link.
“The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships. “Tony Robbins – Isn’t he that self help guy?
Of course he also said,
“The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives.”Tony Robbins – Yep, THAT guy!
So whatever you think of Tony “the Guru” Robbins, the man has a point (and yes he’s had a failed relationship or two – but who hasn’t?). So we know communication is important, but what do we actually know about effective communication? Well I could give a dictionary definition, but let’s limit ourselves to “the best way of consistently communicating with your partner” and go from there. A proper coverage of this topic are to be found all over the internet, however they use big words to complicate it. For our purposes, it is recommended you communicate often, and in an open and honest way. Try to practice active listening and be respectful and tolerant of raised concerns. Great communication is like a great body, spend time at the gym practising often and before you know it you’re an expert. If something isn’t working, change your approach and try something different, but start a conversation now.
Money has a way of either being a problem for a couple, or not even appearing on the radar. It’s a challenge that brings some couples together, and others it splits apart. It can be a compatibility issue, or a trust issue, and sometimes an abuse issue, but the only way to address money as a problem in a relationship is to communicate about money.
Talking about money can be seen as taboo, but not addressing it is turning a blind eye to the potential impact it can have on your life even beyond a relationship. Relationship transmitted debt is real, and can ruin you long after a relationship is over.
Be honest about your situation, and be open about what you need from a partner. Don’t hide spending or debt, but equally don’t judge a person for a financial situation they may need help getting out of.
What happens now?
Having spent some time trying to determine the cause of the breakdown and what you would be willing to salvage the relationship, you can now determine if you both want to try again. It’s also the best time for you to both walk away, lesson learnt, ready for new challenges and the opportunity to meet Mr. or Mrs Right. Now you have determined how to avoid these problems in your next relationship is the perfect time to visit my earlier article about finding your next relationship.
Author note: If you have been told you’re too needy, or daddy keeps ghosting you, the best idea is to get back on the horse and try again. Be honest with potential partners, be upfront about your need for attention, and stay optimistic in your search. There’s good reason to stay optimistic, I mean you’re a quality find, so it stands to reason that there are quality partners out there in exactly the same boat as you looking for someone just like you. Chin up and press on cutie.
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