Discussing kink with your partner


So if you’re reading this you’ve probably spent a night or two stressing about having discussions with your significant other, or worse, being discovered and the perverted depraved individual you are… but stress no more, my kinky reader.

Ultimately we stress for two reasons:

  • We think the kink will disgust our partner and the relationship will resemble the Hindenburg… Showed lots of promise, failed in every regard, lots of fire, and memorable for all the wrong reasons.
  • Alternatively, and possibly worse, the relationship continues and is irrevocably damaged.

Humans fear loss. It is the great unknown.

What if I hadn’t said anything?

And this is the kicker dear reader; as your subconscious goes into overdrive over analysing what may have been you feel an enormous crushing weight of what may have been and the realisation you threw it all away.

Why would anyone in their right mind do that?

Well I hear you saying, “Yep, i’m convinced its a bad idea and I knew that before I started reading.” Well i’m here to say that’s a lie your brain tells you to help you avoid potential emotional pain and turmoil. We as humans make decisions emotionally, and justify them with logic. But decisions made based on logic ahead of time are better decisions. So let me k=play devils advocate here and explain the worst case scenarios.

Worst case…

Absolute worst case you break up over your kinks. You partner tells everyone in your immediate circle, you loose your job, your bank forecloses on your mortgage, you come down with the flu, you get a new job squeezing lemons, your dog runs away and, the next day you get a paper cut on your lemon squeezing hand. With the possible exception of the dog running away, this is not always a bad thing.

  • Paper cuts heal,
  • You have a job (in this economy?)
  • You can get over the flu with early treatment,
  • You never liked that house anyway, let the bank have it,
  • Some friends will laugh, others will run, but true friends won’t care.

The key take away is that you have had a partner who realised they didn’t want to invest the time and effort being the best lover they could be, and they left to make room for the right partner. You’ve lost nothing but in fact you saved years of time spent unhappy, unfulfilled, and investing time and effort to grow a relationship that was destined to not fulfil either of you.

Best case…

Best case is your partner and you listen to each other…

  • You spend many long nights chatting about your kinks,
  • You spend many more indulging them,
  • You discover at least one of you enjoys lemon juice on paper-cuts.
  • You have an amazing and fulfilled life.


TLDR: Talk regularly and openly to your partner. Be open to trying new things, but be prepared to suck at them at least initially. Don’t stop putting in effort to your relationships, but don’t fear being honest with each other and know you will equally put in the effort to make things work.

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